Little by little we are healing

In the days after I realized how emotionally depressed my son was I found myself in a lot of fear. Terror actually. I felt like my whole world was falling apart. But then I slowly began to connect with others. Other mothers who had been through their children’s traumas. Other people who had survived their own depression and anxiety.

Fear not little flock for it is your Fathers good pleasure to give you the kingdom

One thing I told myself when all this happened- I was NOT going to isolate from others. Years ago I would have held all this pain in and carried it around in me like a big dark secret. But I have learned that keeping secrets keeps you sick.

I am not going around shouting my miseries and woes to everyone and anyone. But it is important for me to share my life and what I am going through with others who are close to me- my friends and family. Continue reading “Little by little we are healing”

Choosing not to freak out

I read Viktor Frankl’s book “Man’s Search for Meaning” a few times when I was younger.  This man lost his entire family and survived a Nazi concentration camp, despite tremendous odds.

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing the last of the human freedoms to choose ones attitude in any given set of circumstances to choose ones own way Viktor Frankl

His message of choosing one’s response to any set of difficult circumstances resonated deeply with me, and still does today. Continue reading “Choosing not to freak out”

Having patience while my son is depressed

My beautiful son is suffering a lot and all I can do is stand by and watch. His girlfriend (his first love) broke his heart in a cruel and calculating way. He is devastated. Was not able to make it back to school for this semester.

He is deeply depressed and has gone to a very low and dark space.
I am doing my best to be a quiet, loving, presence and just be there for him. I am loving him. There is nothing else I can do. And I know that this too shall pass, eventually…

The sunlight and shadows and stillness of the early morning kitchen surround me. All this shit came to a head only 5 days ago.

He is asleep. Today we will get some medication that will help him as he lives through his depression.

I am blessed to be here with him. I am so grateful he is home and not away at school. He won’t let me do anything, but I can watch him and be here. I am praying to my grandparents in heaven who watch over us and love us and help us.

Eventually you will come to realize that love heals everything, and love is all there is Gary Zukav

He has a flat affect most of the time, but sometimes he comes back alive a little bit.

He has a good rapport as far as I can tell with the therapist I found for him. He is going again today.

The only thing I bought on vacation this years was a candle and some incense. They are being put to good use now, when I remember. Sitting silently is what I do a lot of the day while he sleeps. The light of the candle and the spicy aroma of the incense stick is nice.

I have been exasperated and overwhelmed. I am going to start seeing a therapist tomorrow.