Emotional Pain – feeling sick in the stomach

For a variety of reasons, I find myself feeling very triggered and reactionary today. For the short time I have been awake I have had a very strong urge to lash out at those closest to me – and that means my husband and son, both of whom are home today. I feel the emotional pain right in my solar plexus, almost like a sick to my stomach feeling.

Having the presence of mind to get out of the house, I got in the car and went to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. I turn on the CD player and hear The Power of Now, disc 6 and this is the balm I need so desperately… Continue reading “Emotional Pain – feeling sick in the stomach”

2 days till Christmas grr…

Christmas is in 2 days. I am grateful to have today off,  and tomorrow which is the Eve, I will probably get off too. I’m feeling stressed. I couldn’t get to the gym this morning, I have too much to do today. But Buddy and I took a brisk walk around the neighborhood first thing this morning. I passed out my neighborhood Christmas cards and killed 2 birds with one stone.

I felt unsettled at work yesterday. Feeling that holiday pressure. The gifts are pretty much done, but I had a feeling I should buy more stuff. My son is 19 and really he is only getting little things like stocking stuffers, sheets, Old Navy pj pants and not much more. He already got an expensive pair of boots and a gym membership while he is home for winter break and those are his main gifts.

I know he won’t care that he has so little to open on Christmas day, but it is bugging me. I’m thinking back to Christmases past when he was going up where the whole living room seemed filled with presents.

Breathe… One conscious inhale… One conscious exhale…

Christmas is not a gift buying or gift getting contest. I am not going to give into a feeling of mom guilt and just start buying shit so he can have a volume of gifts that my ego thinks is acceptable.. Good girl 🙂

My parents are at my brother’s in Chicago and my sister is home with her family in Endicott. So this Christmas Eve will be just the 3 of us at home. It will be nice and quiet. Christmas day we will spend with my in-laws. Not quiet- they are very LOUD people but I will breathe through it and be grateful and do my best. Did we get enough gifts for them? I think so… Have to wrap them later today…

Breathe… One conscious inhale… One conscious exhale…

Dinner is prepped and ready to go. I just have to do the calamari and pick up the lobsters tomorrow. I thought ahead and decided to let Shop Rite do the steaming for me. I really hate the thought of getting lobster, seeing them in the tank with their claws rubber banded looks so sad. But it’s already done… I can’t dwell on it.

Breathe… one conscious inhale… one conscious exhale…

The cookies are baked. I did that last weekend. The mouse on my computer was still a little sticky from powdered sugar even this morning- gross 😛 I had to keep checking recipes on the internet and I guess I didn’t wash my hands good enough. So glad that’s all done…

Christmas cards are done. So glad I don’t send them out en mass like I used to. I have paired down my card list so much over the years. And hello, when did cards get so expensive at the grocery store? It’s just paper for God’s sakes. Can’t believe they charge $6.99 for a decent card.  I think it’s just nuts. Thank God for TJ Maxx.

My neck is in a knot. No doubt because of the stress I feel. I am going to focus on just getting done what I can today and do my best not to project into the future. Not wanting to visit Chrismases past either for that matter 🙂

Hoping you’re not feeling too much holiday pressure. Have a great day! 🙂

Lisa Arcelia

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Not so different


The ego likes to emphasize the ‘otherness’ of others. – Eckhart Tolle

When I think about this statement, which is pretty profound, I can see how this has affected me my whole life. When I am in my big Ego, I fall for the trap that others are so different from me. That this one has little in common with me, that this other person has so much in common with me.

When I deem someone has little in common with me, I separate myself from them and automatically judge them. I never did this consciously or with malice, but this has been how I lived all my life. I judge someone and see them as either above me or below me in some way. Both of these judgments leave me isolated and disconnected, and I must play the role. And when I play a role, I am not being authentically me. Continue reading “Not so different”

Spiritual inspiration at the gym

This morning I went to a spinning class at the gym. That is where you ride on stationary bikes in a few different positions and resistance levels for about an hour, all to loud music.  You hope the music is good and the instructor is decent, because frankly it’s not pleasant at times, it can be hard work. You sweat your ass off, but once the class is over, you’re really glad you did it.

Little did I know I was in for some spiritual inspiration… Continue reading “Spiritual inspiration at the gym”

4 Hour Fever

Last week at work at about 8 hours into my shift I started feeling achy. I’d been practicing being present and feeling my inner body in little increments throughout the day. At this point in my life, being present and inner body awareness doesn’t come automatically, but it’s something I practice as often as I remember throughout the day. It’s something I have to put my attention and focus on, as my mind continually wants to take over and pull me into thinking and nonsense.

After a bit I started to get cold. Once I started getting the shivers I took my temperature and sure enough I had a low grade fever. Continue reading “4 Hour Fever”