Yesterday at work I did a lot of watching myself- watching the thinker– and tried not to get caught up in my ego whenever possible. I made the decision to pay attention to my thoughts all day, as a spiritual practice, to help have inner peace in my day.
“The moment you start watching the thinker, a higher level of consciousness becomes activated.” -Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now.
On my drive into work, I made sure to notice my breathing and tried to feel my inner body. I also paid attention to what was going on around me during the commute- the other drivers, the houses all around me, and the great outdoors. The morning sunlight cast a beautiful glow over everything, and the sky was bright blue and cloudless.
My mind wanted to wander as it always does, but I was able to catch it and bring myself back to the present moment and my drive.
I read something the other day about how it’s a little easier to be mindful if you just slow down.
I’m someone that is forever rushing, I walk fast, I talk fast, I do everything fast. So to put attention into slowing down just a little was pretty nice. It made it pleasant and not a chore when I stopped at the gas station- to just be there and pump the gas:
Notice the smells. The cool morning air on my skin. Hear the traffic on the street. Pump the gas. See the bright sunlight. Nice 🙂
And then in the locker room at work. Everyone is scrambling to get their scrubs and get changed. Wait. Breathe. Let others go first. People are talking about an emergency case last night in which the patient was really sick and did poorly.
I noticed as I was listening in to the others talk I could choose to let go of my need to rush to get changed. No need to rush. Breathe. Just put on the scrubs.
I tried to continue to be mindful as the day started. Of course I was in my thinking mind and ego most of the time, that’s where I am at this time in my consciousness development.
I would love to be able to undo all my years of negative and anxious thinking patterns all at once, but every day I can practice like this and watch how nice things are in the present moment. It was nice to have moments of stopping and breathing and just being mindful, and being appreciative of the fact of how nice it felt to be mindful.
It was one girl’s birthday today. I wished her a happy birthday. We chatted a little. I gave her a hug. She hugged me back. It felt nice. She is sweet.
I had a light conversation with a surgeon about his kids and what they will be doing this summer. He told me how he is working with his daughter to get her to like to read. How he also didn’t like reading when he was her age, and how she is much smarter than he was. As I talked to this nice man about his children that he loves, it occurred to me that I wasn’t antsy or nervous around him. I always used to get nervous around him, and I hated it.
What a difference to be there and relate to this man without a story in my head. It was really nice. 🙂
Later in the day after most of the cases were over, the new nurse manager came into my area to talk to me and another nurse. She was getting ready to leave for the day and was just having a nice chat with us.
I was able to watch myself and my egoic need to dominate the conversation. I watched that need and was able to hold myself back. I was then able to just be there and let the other 2 girls talk and not interject or talk over them. I could still be in the conversation without trying to take it over. That was good.
And then I noticed how I was judging the 2 while they talked. I noticed having those thoughts and recognized them for what they were- just stupid nonsense that the mind creates to separate me from others.
This created a space in me of compassion. Compassion for myself for being blind to my negative thought patterns.
Such a gift to have moments of awakening from the stories and patterns of the mind. 🙂
My negative thought patterns and ego and stories are what has kept me exactly who I always described myself as- an anxious person.
The more I am conscious of having these thought patterns, and bring them out into the light, the more I can dissolve them, and free myself from the bondage of self.
I worked through my lunch yesterday and ended up staying late too. But I was pretty ok with it. I noticed feeling the urge to want to leave, and the feeling of impatience and mild irritation. I watched those feelings and was able to realize they were created in my mind. It was my choice to let these feelings take me over. Why make this day a problem now?
All in all, I was able to watch my thoughts and stay in the moment many times. I was able to: Take it in, take it slow, breathe and just do what’s in front of me– many times. When the day’s work was finally over, I felt light and calm.
As I was driving home I was so happy and grateful. It was incredibly liberating to be able to notice thoughts, and not take them all that seriously. “Watching the Thinker” at work made made for a very enjoyable day. I look forward to doing this every day now! 🙂
Thank you Lord! Thank you Eckhart Tolle, for teaching me how to live in the present moment, where our inner peace abides. Little by little, I am awakening out of the dream of mind-made nonsense. I love this so much… 😀
xo, Lisa Arcelia
“So the single most vital step on your journey toward enlightenment is this: learn to disidentify from your mind. Every time you create a gap in the stream of mind, the light of your consciousness grows stronger. One day you may catch yourself smiling at the voice in your head, as you would smile at the antics of a child. This means that you no longer take the content of your mind all that seriously, as your sense of self does not depend on it.” -Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now.
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