I read Viktor Frankl’s book “Man’s Search for Meaning” a few times when I was younger. This man lost his entire family and survived a Nazi concentration camp, despite tremendous odds.
His message of choosing one’s response to any set of difficult circumstances resonated deeply with me, and still does today.
Now I’m not saying I am living through a Nazi concentration camp, but the recent shock in my family has caused a lot of things to be taken away from me: my sense of security, my story of a happy family, my hopes.
I have been confronting my fears and living day to day, staying in the present moment as best I can.
I think back to other times when I was in horrible situations and remember feeling almost peaceful as they were happening. Like when I watched my Grandma die, or when I went through my father’s cancer.
Like those other times, I think this trauma has forced me into the present moment.
This inner peace, inner stillness, is what I have been connecting with, and what has been sustaining me.
My son is making slow progress, coming out of his severe depression/anxiety and recent heartbreak. He is taking a semester off from school.
I am trying to deal with my thoughts without letting them take me over. It is a moment by moment thing.
Very grateful for so many kind people in my life. I cannot believe how connected I feel to other moms who also are going through, or who have lived though a crisis with a child.
He said he’s feeling better. I see him sleeping all the time and not eating. I have tremendous worry inside, but I can choose to connect with my breath and slow it down. I can breathe in the suffering of worried mothers everywhere and breathe out peace to us all.
Motherhood is not for the faint of heart, lol.
xo, Lisa Arcelia